Airport Wait

Hey guys!!

I'm updating from my phone AT the airport, GERMANY IS TODAY!!!! I'm sitting here next to my newly made friends; Grace, Michael and Nick!! So the German trio has changed from trio to German quadruples...? Okay so it doesn't exactly fit 'German Trio' little sing song I had going but I blame that on Hetalia anyway!

It's going to be about an hour and a half wait until I actually made my start towards the dreamy as ever GERMANY!!! 22 hours to go!

There's not much I can day for now but THANK GOD!! It's finally here. It still doesn't seem like it's here though which kind of sucks. Suppose it hasn't sunk in yet... But me and Nick think it will sink in once we step into Munich and feel the crunch of the snow under our boots. (Which all of us are wearing happily), our fur jackets all lined up on our bags and everyone in high spirits, but we all know by the time we get to Munich we'll be dead tired!

But no rest for the awesome as we have an all day walking tour!!
(We arrive at 6am!!)
Wish us a safe flight, we're boarding soon!!!

Excelling Exams

So, past two days I've had exams and been quite busy-Despite this, thE WEEK IS GOING SO SLOWLY GOD DAMMIT.


Also, watch as Willow tries not to swear because she's writing this blog post in a classroom filled with year ones!



So tomorrow is Friday which means Germany is two days away and that's probably why this week is going so slowly, HOWEVER-


Saturday is going to go extra slowly because I'm waiting for the time to come around! I've got everything packed part from Nico's present but I've got a lot of Australian chocolate and the forever famous, lord and saviour of Australia, vegemite.


I've also got Milo that (apparently) according to (a quite fucking rude) American, "tastes like dog food."


FIRST OF ALL, HOW DARE YOU.


My childhood just melted away.


Okay so I'm getting weird looks from some of these weirdos oh and a year seven boy that looks like he's on meth just walked into the classroom.


SOMEONE SAVE ME I WANT TO GO HOME.


But alas, I have no way to go home and so I can go on the internet (yay!) but not on twitter (aw D:) it won't be too long, only an hour to go and well, at this point, everything seems to be like a waiting game and the game is like a game of monopoly.
Bah... :/


I have a test in German AND Cooking tomorrow which sucks major ass because those are the last two sessions I will have of my favourite subjects before I got to Germany AND I have tests.
No rest for the awesome.
That's the quote, right?


Anyway, my exams were kinda easy, I did my best on my maths exam and I'm feeling quite confident, I think I aced my Science exam, I'm not too sure on my English exam and well.
I bullshitted my way through my Humanities exam.


You know you're royally fucked when you open your exam paper and the first word you think is 'Fuck.'.


So much for not swearing.


"C'mon Willow, you've bullshitted your way through life, you can bullshit your way through one more essay."
   -Me, 2014


Which brings me to another point, scary isn't it?
It's not going to be 2014 soon and all the fucking memes of 2014 will hopefully go OUT the window.... but we all know the internet never forgets anything.
It's like an immortal elephant in a way, isn't it?


So now I face the... choice on what I want to do.


Do I get off the computer and see if I can play a game with the little kids and be a little kid or do I put up kid-friendly youtube videos and hope that one hour passes quickly?


...
But seriously, who am I kidding?

This Star Won't Go Out #2

So, some of you might have read the blog post 'This Star Won't Go Out', if you haven't click (here)

Here I talk about a girl named Esther Earl and her and her family's story struggling through their lives.
So I check twitter this morning and funny thing is, her mum is on twitter. (For people who follow me on twitter, you will know I post a #BlogPost every time I post a post up on this blog.)



This makes me kind of nervous but at the same time, proud. I wrote that with the mind that only my blog readers would read that post and some of my twitter followers, apparently she must have scrolled down twitter and searched 'This Star Won't Go Out' and probably read it, which is slightly scary because I talked about her daughter in a way that kinda said I admired her, and I do, the thing is I'm unsure how she reacted, she must have thought it was... good? In a way? I mean, her daughter was an incredibly happy and energetic girl and I'm sure she misses her daughter a lot, but I never intended her to read it and it makes me jumpy for some reason. Please ignore me.

Now I'm kind of glad I didn't take the approach on that post that I was going to, it might've made her angry and possibly upset. I did my research into it and watched a few of Esther's YouTube videos.

 (Now excuse me, my brother has just come in and told me that I need to get ready to go to the markets to grab a few extra things for Germany so I'll be rushing to finish this blog post.)

I just wanted to say that you should think about the blog post and if you're unsure the mood or attitude I have towards certain blog posts to tell me because I normally mean all my blog posts in a good attitude, apart from certain blog posts like

-Midnight Anger
-Simply egotistical

To everyone that reads my blog at first glance, please know that this is a safe place I have decided to put my thoughts and to very much, keep it as a public online diary that can't be ruined or destroyed unless I want it to. So, none of my posts are actually going out to offend anyone.
(Not saying that Lori was offended whilst (if she did) reading the blog post "This Star Won't Go Out" but I'm still unsure on how to react to this.)

Anyway, that's if for me, I'll post tomorrow since we're approaching lift off from Australia to Germany and I know I shouldn't be this excited but it's kinda a big deal for Australians to go anywhere because we're so isolated.

Anyway, Willow signing out.

This Star Won't Go Out

If you ever have a spare few hours of your life and you're looking for something to use your time wisely, please read the book "This Star Won't Go Out"

This book is one of the most touching stories I have ever read and I wish I had met this lovely girl named, Esther.

Esther Grace Earl.
She was born August 3rd, 1994 and left this world, suddenly and peacefully on August 25th, 2010. She was 16 when she passed.



I would not class this book as a Biography.
More like a story.
Not a love story. Not a story of loss.
But a story of the human struggle and the will to be alive.
A story of the test of faith and happiness.
I will hold Esther Earl's story forever close to my heart for as long as I am able.


I will not spoil anything of this book- nor will I make the emotional post I was going to. I spent a lot of time pondering on how I was going to allow myself to respond. But I've come to accept that I'm going to see the anger that John Green-a beloved author and not really surprisingly a friend of Esther's-did; with anger and frustration.

The story of Esther is touching, special and to be treasured.
The story of Esther also a story and proof that the world is cruel to sweet things. If the world finds a ray of sunshine, it will crush it mercilessly. I am not referring to Esther Earl as being crushed, nor did the rare ray of sunshine that she shone so brightly become crushed either. Even in her last days, she was said to be extremely lively and happy.

 Her story and her life lives on in the hearts of people who knew her, her mother, Lori Earl, her father, Wayne Earl and her siblings, Evangeline Earl, Abraham Earl, Abby Earl and Graham Earl.

John Green, being a friend of her, shortly after posted the book titled "The Fault in Our Stars" which I believe, he wrote to honour Esther. He did not write it based on Esther and he (rightfully) refuses to talk about Esther in the context of "The Fault in Our Stars", he denies any connection, apart from him wanting Esther to read his book.


Below is her last, ever video that is on her YouTube channel. (Cookie4Monster4), you can still see, that even so close to her returning home to the God she believed in, she was joyful. In this video, she tours us around her house and still bounces around, you see her brother, Graham and her. There is also another video on her channel called "Just Feelings" that I urge you to watch too.

Please remember this is not a fictional story, this actually happened. 
Esther Earl is just as real as her death was. And I can't possibly imagine the pain that her family and her friend-John Green goes through with every memory they have of her. Do they smile? Do they cry? Do they sit in a corner and reflect on her life? Only they know and I hope they got the privacy that they deserved to come to terms with their grief of losing such a precious young woman.

Midnight Anger

Lately I've put myself on this workout plan, I've wanted to get onto a plan and I've found one on the Aussie Navy site and I've put myself on that. I've had to modify a few things in order to suit my knee but everything has been going well.

Apart from the fact that I've been really extremely lazy with it and I was slowly getting angrier and angrier with myself for missing work outs, since a step on the scale to figure out I was heavier than I would've liked, I put myself on it. 

And probably starting tomorrow I'll put myself on the same diet as my mother so I can lose some weight there. Either that or I'll put myself on the Dukan diet, which my grandmother and grandfather were on and had really great success with. The thing is, as long as I eat the right foods I can eat as much as I want, which is really good for me because normal diets that restrict me from eating as much as I need to in order to get full never work for me.

But anyway, I'll go into what I put into the title.

About half an hour ago, (probably about 45 minutes after I post this) I suddenly got extremely angry with myself as someone reminded me about my plan, and I got pissed because I was meant to go for a 1.7km run today and I fell asleep after school, I was also meant to cook dinner and I should get to bed earlier in order for me to do this but I can't. Insomnia's a bitch kids.

So, I looked at the plan I had to do, and I had sit ups, squats and push ups to do. 

I've forgiven myself partly by doing two times the amount of sets that I needed to do, totaling the amount of sit-ups, push-ups and squats today is

Sit-ups: 240

Push-ups: 240

Squats: 40

And I'm quite surprised because I didn't total up the amount of exercises I needed to do, I didn't question it.

Ah yes, gut you better watch out because soon you will all be gone.

I've also put myself on a swimming plan, my swim days are Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday and Sunday.

But I'm probably going to change the Tuesday to Friday because there's a lot for me to do on Tuesdays and there were swimming classes there and in a whole no. 

"Too fast for the slow lane, too fast for the medium lane, too slow for the fast lane."

Well fuck you too sir.

Anyway, we had a little too much drama in the groups lately, the group has split in two, someone slept with someone and someone isn't happy that that someone slept with that someone and someone said this and someone said that! Blah! Blah! Blah!

Yeah nobody gives a shit, I would be surprised if you did too to be honest.

Twitter shit, uh, something about the Hetalia verse or something, I don't know, I haven't been paying attention and there's nothing going in on the Free! verse either. At the moment everyone in the Free! verse is just too happy about Free! getting an English dub.

Beauty.

 

I've sat in my room for a little bit and worked on my voice, trying different voices to see if I could go into voice acting when I grow up instead of acting, maybe I could do both but who knows.

Anyway, that's my post, expect more posts to come because we're nearing Germany (17 days) and all this stuff.

Now just eagerly waiting for Nico and Sam to get home so I can Skype them for an hour or two before I go to bed and say hello to my Wednesday timetable.

Sport, Social Studies, Lunch, Health, English, Science, Home time.

No school on Friday, thank GOD.

I'll try to keep up with my exercises so I don't get frustrated and angry and time to go onto twitter and try to fix everything up, people slowly getting tired of my shit. I feel it.

Anyway.

Cya.

Thanks Rin.

Germany will be back soon.

Chuggin' Em Down.

Today, in German we had a competition.

Who could
 
   -1) Hold a beer stein in front of you for as long as you can.
   -2) Drink the water from the stein as fast as you could.

I would like to say that I won both heats of drinking the water from the stein.

Gotta stay in practice for Germany.



So, we did that ant then went onto making some sort of poster about Goettingen, which I didn't do much about but eh.

Um, nothing else really interesting to tell apart from I got Sam and Nico's package today and it was filled with German sweets.

I must say I've gotten to love the hanuta sweets a lot but I haven't dug into many of the sweets yet anyway.

But if you can, I suggest somehow trying hanuta, I love it personally.

Lets hope I just don't get fat from them.

I'm also just gunna leave this here.



Gou: Alright guys, the bathrooms are a little weirder in this area.
Seijuro: How so Gou-kun?
Gou: [glare] It's /Kou/. And, you'll have to pay for it.
Kisumi: Oh? How much?
Gou: For you Kisumi, you'll only need 10 cents.
Momo: What?! Not fair!
Gou: [secretly smirking] Momo and Seijuro, you're going to have to give two euros.
Seijuro & Momo: Not fair!
Gou: You could always pay 10 cents but you might get in trouble.
Kisumi: I just get discounts because I'm cute.

**Later**

Kisumi, Momo & Seijuro: *sees sign*
Kisumi: ....
Momo: ....
Seijuro: ....
Kisumi: GOU.
Momo & Seijuro: [grinning]

Das nicht!!

Excuse any typos I may make during this, Nico and Sam (you'll read about them later) are on Skype at the moment giggling and I'm pretty sure I'm witnessing gay sex.

Guise das ghey.


Anyway

Yo, long time no see, I've given up with the regular posts things so I'll post when I feel like writing.
Who's a lazy shit?

I'M A LAZY SHIT!!



Anyway. Lets catch you up.. or just procrastinate.

Guess what? 42 days until I leave for Germany.

It's coming and it's coming fast yo.

It seems like only like three years ago it was the first meeting of this shit. Now the time has finally come and I don't want to go. I'm nervous and I get so shy when speaking German. I don't like it at all but I love speaking German.

Yeah, I know it doesn't make sense.

Anyway.

About Nico and Sam. They just ended the skype call and I'm confused on what's happening.

Nico and Sam have kinda adopted me and I have no idea how that happened or how it happened, but I'm not really questioning it beCAUSE HEY HEY Germans
ammitrite

Nico and Sam come from Germany and I've known them for urm, I'd say just a lil under a month, they're really nice but confusing and I love them to pieces already. UNFORTUNATELY for me, they plague my mind during school so my thoughts now are "Shut up, omg I just want to talk to Sam and Nico"

WELL DONE ME




I know they'll be reading this blog just after I posted this so I'm just gunna say that they're such fucking bitches, I mean



Legit tweet about Nico by me.

Um, they've distracted me again from writing I personally blame Nico.


SAM is not that bad! Nico is a lil bitch.

I put the focus of that on 'lil'.

GUESS WHO'S SHORT.
THAT'S RIGHT. NICO IS.

Nico is also a dung beetle.

Nico is a dung beetle.
He likes to roll shit around.
And he's full of shit.
Legit Nico dung beetle.

They sent  me Germany candies, well at least they said they did and I'm really kinda hoping somehow they're in that box instead of the Germany candies. Yup.

Um, there's not much to say, school goes on as usual and it's boring as fuck.

Remember, there's no regular posts, just when I feel like posting, yep.

Lazy fuck.


Willow, out.

The Advantage of Bees and Moonwalkers.

So hello, I'm not back properly, my mum is in a meeting at the moment so I get the school computer which is at her work place so I thought I might do a post since it's Wednesday and my brother and sister aren't here to annoy me and I can type..


So recently I've been seeing a lot of bees lately.


You: Oh my god Willow, you come back for a post and you talk about bees? That's it. *closes browser*


No, I promise it gets better.


I've been seeing a lot of bees around again, which means Spring is here and ready to stay, which is really awesome for me because Spring is one of my favourite seasons of the year. So, every time I walk past a bee or a bee lands on me, I don't freak out like all the other girls do, I smile and say "Hello Cas."


By the way, for those who don't watch the shows I watch and get the reference..







Castiel loves bees.


Anyway, there's my little fangirl thing of the day.


Onto the strain of daily life, recently things have gotten boring again, assignments are due, classes need to be attended, Germany seems as far away as ever. And well, I need a break from school, I need to get away from the daily routine because  I'm quite frankly over the whole 'school' thing.


They say it takes 51 days to start a habit, I've been attending school for 12 years now and I'm still not into the habit of going to school. I long to get out of school but then I don't because then that means I will have to face the real world and I don't know if I'm ready or not yet.


However, I've found this really good site that I can use to get myself job ready, called 'Student Edge'  I think it's only for Australians so if you're from Australia and read this blog, I recommend that you sign up, you get free shit and discounts so it's worth the time to be honest.





Um, what else is there to tell...


Er..


Attack on Titan I suppose? I started to watch that, it seems awesome but it's made me cry a lot and that's okay, it's not any different from SPN in that way.







Let me just say, no television show has made me want to play on those moon walker things more than ever.

I mean, besides the fact that you could be eaten alive, I wouldn't mind being in the Scouting Legion.

Sign me up.

Plus, hella cool jacket.

But then there's always the chance that you could be eaten and killed and all that stuff.

Eh, minor problems.

Anyway, err. I don't think there's very much to tell to be honest, the world is moving slower than ever so I can't make anything seem exciting, I could just fill a post with pictures but I won't do that because the workplace has hella slow wifi.

Oh well.

(Remember, I can't tell you when my next post is going to be since my computer at home has something wrong with it, keep checking back every Monday/Wednesday/Friday)

Willow out.

Fairly Important

So.

Hi.

And bye-bye.

I need to get off the computer because my computer has something wrong with it. (apparently)

Either that or my mother has banned me from the computer, so I will say bye-bye until everything is fixed with the computer.

I mean I could post from my phone but I'd rather not, I will be back so keep checking up every week or so!

But for now:



Bye bye readers, see you soon!

Even lazier post.

Will I ever shake my lazy?

Nope.

Anyway, apologies, I was too busy doing assignments AND I was over at Nick's house on Friday, slept over and didn't have wifi so I couldn't even post on Friday, even if I wanted to.



Anyway.

I want to say a HUGE congratulations to my hockey team AND all the parents and families who have supported us throughout this season, even my mum who forces me to (almost) every training session every Thursday and of course, our coach, AJ. We're in the play-offs, (semi-finals) and we're gunna win first place!

I got green carded today for screaming "KRANKENHAUS SCHNELL" because apparently it sounded like I was swearing.

Lazy Post!

So, it's Wednesday, I'm tired so I'm just going to gif this post.

Sport:



Social Studies



Lunch



Health



English



Lunch



Science



After school:





Bye

Dear Readers #1

Dear Readers.

I've also decided to do one of these to keep you updated on my school like and who's reading because, I find it interesting to see what sort of nationality is reading my blog, so, you'll see a little box like below that will show you.

Any comments about how you think I can improve my blog can go on these as well.

I think I'll post a Dear Readers every month on the first Tuesday, seem cool? Of course it does, now lets start.

'

Whoa, I got my Polish and Russian readers back!

This is actually really exciting for me because how the hell did I get Polish and Russian readers, like??

But thanks for coming back guys and reading my blog, I promise, I will try to post every day but this week is gunna be really busy for me because I've got a lot of assignments due this week.

And because I'm a procrastinating little shit, I haven't done them.




Which means if I don't get them in I don't get the mark and if I don't get the mark I don't get to do ATAR which is a University streamed course, also, while we're on this topic, someone remind me to talk to the school subject manager thingy so I can change from Politics and Law to Biology and change from Rural Skills to doing Drama as a general course.

(Because, when I go into a University to become an Actor, why the fuck would I need rural skills? Yeah nope.)

Love,

Willow.

Learner Permits and yellow plates.

I know, I know, today isn't Monday, apologies for that. I went for a long drive yesterday down the freeway and everything. Oh yeah, suppose that's new as well.



I'm on the road now! Yay! (And also in a much better mood for those who read my old post.)

Anyway, on Friday the only thing that kept me going through my first sessions was that I was getting my learner's permit today, but I couldn't be bothered to deal with anything and after German, there weren't any good sessions left and my mood was in the dumps from last night's crash (of the mood that is) and Frau was talking to me and saying I was putting too much stress on myself and I knew that, it's obvious but I want to do better too quickly so I'm always rushing trying to learn as much as I can.

So, I went home and just slept, then mum came in and woke me up, then we drove down to the licencing center where I was handed a log book and a piece of paper that said I could legally drive on the roads~!



So, I went on the road and drove home, it was raining and I was out of practice and HEY!  Almost crashed several times, after that I was so scared I didn't want to get into the car at all.

Anyway, onto Monday bc I wrote like a lil something in my maths class about Monday so thats all you're gunna get from me about MONDAY.

The morning was cold, it was about seven degrees. My mum pulled up onto the schools side parking lot and checked the time. It aws too early, school wouldn't start for another 40 minutes, I peered over the brick wall to see Samara, sitting along on the front lawn. It was too cold and I was too tired. So I went into the library, I picked a book called "If you were mine" I didn't see the last word so I picked it. I grabbed a stupid love drama book, I don't fancy love stories, not yet. Maybe when I have one of my own to tell, I'll appreciate other people's love stories. Maybe if it wasn't so stereotypical, I'd be interested.



I was reading it anyway, typical American 'we're seniors now!' love story, the girls next to me were talking ibviously year 8s, they were squealing over some sort of thing, not over books. The year 12 told them to shut up, that's one thing I hate about upper school, they're always ordering people around. Before I knew it, the bell went and everyone started to leave and that's when I noticed the two girls sitting near the beater. Some might call them smart but being in the bitter mood I was, since it was Monday, I dubbed them selfish. I put my book back and left the library, where a breeze of crisp, freezing cold air decided to greet me. I heard people complianing that is was freezing.

And it was.

For us, we are Australians after all.

Australians; the nicest rude people you will ever meet that laugh at Europeans complaining 20 degrees is hot but then end up being a quivering mess at anything below 15.

Then I walked by a girl eating a pie with a milk in her hand, she stood out because you just don't eat between or going to classes, it's just an unspoken rule.

My maths teacher as normal, was standing outside the door as the steady flow of pairs walked through the doors to a room that may be warm but it would become hell for a whole hour. The teacher handed us work, he tried to explain the work but failed, he said his head was full of cotton, so I pictured lumps of cotton falling out of all the facial holes, the ears, mouth, nose but not the eyes. The eyes turned into black buttons. As I posted earlier, my maths teacher reminds me of a bear, fat round with kind eyes that could turn you into a German pretzel the moment he started to yell.



So yeah, that was Monday, so exciting I know but I went out for a long drive after that so I was really tired... uhh.. Tuesday, lemme think.. anything exciting.. not really... Uhh, you know what, I'll probably remember as soon as I've posted this and just not be bothered to write it up.

OH!

There was only like 5 people in my Science class today so we made word sleuths OH and on Monday, we dissected an eye. And in maths my teacher played classical music which I loved so I'm now making a list of classical music for him because he likes classical music.... and uh... yeah, I think that's everything exciting, if it isn't, then I'm screwed. Oh and we lost the hockey game on Sunday, 7-0.



I've been trying to fix my sleeping patterns you see because I've been too tired during school so.

Simply egotistical

I don't know how to start this.

I don't even know what this post is about to be honest, I'm just letting my thoughts flow into words, words that might not necessarily be English, but nevertheless, words.

I'm not very good at anything.
I'm not even special.
There's nothing wrong with me.
And that's just how it is.

I try to touch everyone's mind, make them feel better, I'm not special. I'm not sick. I'm just me.
Just another, unextraordinary human being that will soon be forgotten as soon as I've passed on.
I have dark thoughts. About death, about dying, about what would happen if my feet had never touched the soil.
And still, these thoughts haunt me daily, I make it sound so dramatic, I make it sound so much worse than it actually is.

You know when you go to the doctors? And they ask you to rate the pain on a level of 1 to 10? And no matter however the pain, it always seems to be a 10? I find that's because your 10 is never defined. There's always things that make the 10 worse, always pains that are so much worse.

I find myself sitting in front of a computer screen most of my hours. Hours that I could be spending living my life, doing assignments, working, pushing forward to my future. I don't want to move. I'm a strong believer in people will only accept help if they want to be helped. If they want to be helped, you can help them, if not, there's no hope.

I'm very much like this. Only, I want to be helped. I want to escape this hole that comes and goes. I want to be special. I want to be good at something and no matter how much people tell me I'm good at something or I'm special, I'll never believe it. I haven't been lied to very much my whole life, nothing is special about my life, nothing stands out. I like to believe that I have had dealt with a normal amount of pain, a normal amount of happiness, joy, boredom and suffering.

I'm a normal girl.

Behind a keyboard.

Just letters.

And if you're lucky enough- a voice.

I'm nothing special, I can't do things, and when I apparently can, there's always someone better than me.

Now, I know, there's always going to be someone better than me.
There's always has to be.

But I can't help it, rocking in as average every time eventually stretches you, you can't be nice all the time, but sometimes you can't help but just need a really, really long hug.

Nobody is there to give me a hug, they're all on the other side of the bloody world. I hate living in Australia. I hate it. It's so isolated. Mainly the reason why I want to live in Germany. It's not isolated, it speaks a different language and it's different, it's something that is so exciting for me. My German is the only thing that really keeps me going but sometimes I even knock myself down for that.

I was sitting in German class, listening to the speeches and listening to the average marks people were getting, I was fairly happy with my 15 out of 18, I thought it was good, but when people who didn't seem to be putting in as much effort as I did got higher, it does eventually get to you.

It's not just the German that pushes me into this hole. It's the loneliness I have too. I make up stories (and this is probably going to be sad and really pathetic but I'm not here to be judged so I don't want to see anyone taking the time out of their day to post an asshole-ish comment down below.) about having boyfriends, to my mum, so my mum stops worrying about my isolation I put myself in. Nobody has really been interested in me to be honest, and the one person that I felt close to and that I was getting somewhere with, ended up paying people to show interest in me so I would stop showing an interest in him. I had known him for seven years. I used to play hockey with him. He was a good friend... or so I thought.

Then we have the situation with Helena and I get so embarrassed and flustered about it, I think about posting things on my blog about her but I know my Frau reads this. I know my Frau, I see her three times a week, for an hour, sometimes more.  But fuck it.

The disease everyone calls 'Teenager' is a period of years between the ages of 13-19. The disease normally lasts for 7 years. Here, everything is either fake, made up or constantly changing. Adults who have been though this disease soon forget it. They say they remember it but I don't truly remember that they knew just exactly how they felt. Take me for example- In a few years, I won't remember this day, not at all, it'll just be another smudge in the daily life I live right now. 'Teenager' is a difficult disease because everyone treats you like a child and expects you to act like an adult. Hormones are racing and everything is changing. Everything is buzzing and everything seems to be different. You thought you got life figured out when you were 12? Well, here's to life being completely rewritten and the worst part, you can't even stop it. It's a thing that just.. happens.

The thing about me is, the depression builds up. I have bipolar depression. I have a massive fucking ego as well. I'm an egotistical piece of Australian shit who complains about not being able to do things.  If I look, I probably have a range of support here in Australia, I probably have a lot more than I realize, but I'm a stupid piece of human flesh and I need the support net to be thrusted into my face otherwise I'll assume that it's not there.

The thing with me is, I want to be helped.
But all the help that I have been given, never works.
And once it doesn't work...

People stop trying.



I'll probably be happy again in a few days and end up deleting this so I'm going to try and fight my urges, keep it up, and all this stuff.

Dôme, Frau and the birthday fright.

Yup, unfortunately it was my birthday yesterday and I'm posting so you'll have three posts this week, happy, happy, happy.

So, we will skip the actual school day because that was boring, just add the part of me not wanting to go to school because it was my birthday.

Yesterday I had been given instructions to head down to my mum's school so I had to walk down to her school, we headed to the driver's licencing center where we sat and waited so we could get some information on my learner's permit, so I'm going to get my learner's permit on Thursday and legally be able to drive.



Then mum took me to Dôme, mum ordered an iced mocha for my birthday,  we sat down at a table and I did some of my German on duolingo. Then I saw Frau! I was quite surprised and I called out for her on instant reaction. She looked a little confused at first because she didn't know where the voice was coming from but then she turned to see me.

She then proceed to tell my mum I was an enthusiastic student before she said that, I actually got really worried for some reason, like, I don't know, she was going to say I'm not good enough in the class or I try too hard or I do something wrong in that class or anything at all and so I almost had a heart-attack when Frau started to talk about me as a student.

But she only had nice things to say which flooded me over with relief and I just let out a big sigh.
Like, I don't know if I do things wrong but then again I'm really concerned with my German and my German class because I don't want to fail. Failure in German means tears and a lot of them. Mum took me to Coles where we grabbed a few extra things then we picked up my brother from his music lesson and then we headed home.

 I took the shopping out of the back of the car and mum unlocked the door for me, I pushed the door open to see the lights turned off, I flick the lights on and my ears was flooded with screaming, people banging on drums and people jumping up, I screamed, back up into my mum and almost doubled over in tears.



I cried for a few minutes, as I cried people came and gave me hugs and pats on the back. Everyone was laughing, I wasn't. I was too busy crying.

Okay, lets explain why I cried and reacted the way I did.

Lately I've had the proper nerve to watch horror things, play horror games, really into that sort of thing. So as a result of that, I have been a bit more jumpy than I normally would have, so this sort of real life shock absolutely sent me over the edge.

It was a very fun party, I had to do my ice-bucket challenge but it was fun and I did enjoy myself. Katie, Tylah, Maryanne, Jerico, Brett, Josh, Shania, Nick, Sharron, Samara and Chloe were there and I enjoyed myself quite a bit.

I skyped Anne, (remember the German friend I talked about a few posts back? Mhmm, she's back again.) and she sung me happy birthday in German and we talked for two hours. Her mum came home while we were skyping and Anne told me her mum didn't speak English so I introduced myself to her in German but the thing was, is I got really really really fucking nervous and made several mistakes and swore then apologized over and over again. Then I nearly cried. I can't just cry and keep apologizing when I get things wrong in Germany. But overall, that was the good final cherry on top at the end of my birthday.



Today, I didn't go to school, I woke up about 3am and puked everything I had eaten last night, which wasn't good because I sat there for about ten minutes while my body decided to empty my stomach, the thing is, I hadn't even eaten that much the night before. So I woke up today with the smell of vomit in my room because I passed out almost straight after I puked. Well done me.


ItWasntTHATBadButStillPrettyBad

But I'm okay now, mum tried to get me to go to school but I didn't want to because I can feel the 'I'm about to be sick' feeling in my stomach still and that sucks. I have tried to eat and drink a few things today but it has only just made me feel more sick and I also cleaned up the vomit in my room, which means I will sleep with a bucket next to my bed just in case my stomach decides it doesn't like the feeling of food in it.



Which kinda sucks because I kinda really love food.


Anyway, my Wednesday has been uneventful and I don't feel any older so.
I'm signing out and forcing myself to go to school tomorrow because I
1) Have cooking
2) Have German

And I'm pretty sure those are very good reasons to go to school.

Actually an accurate representation of our German class. 

Insert Your Own Title!

I will warn you now, my day dragged quite a lot on the first two sessions but I said I would post on Mondays so here I am!



AndIAlsoKnowFrauWillBeLookingAtThisPostSoShoutOutToFrau

So, Friday night, Nick was over and so I had to clean up my room so he could snag the bed. We headed to bed after playing Minecraft and cooking dinner, I went to bed, Nick said he didn't sleep so I don't know if he actually did or not.

But he woke me up at 9am, on a Saturday morning, after I had fallen asleep at about 2:30am. That fucker. He jumped onto me, sat on my waist, pinned my arms above my head and used his weight to bounce me up and down until I woke up. The whole situation was very sexual and... weird. The first thing I woke up to that morning was that.

So I wanted to get him back. I filled a bucket with ice and then with water, adding a pinch of salt because it's meant to make the ice colder and I dumped it on that bitch. So I spent most of the rest of the day hiding in my mum's bedroom with a spray bottle full of water, until I finally came out and we played minecraft until he left.

Sunday wasn't exciting, apart from I did artwork last night..



Hella kawaii mother fucker.

I woke up today after falling asleep somewhat at 3am, which isn't good for my body but what can you do.
(Hashtag Teenaged Problems)
Everyone seemed to be in a bad mood so I just rolled out of my bed and into the shower until I woke up and then that's when my brother started punching things and we made a beeline for the car and out of there. Then my brother jumped in the car and we had to go with him, even though I wanted mum to leave him at home.

Prior to school starting, everyone seemed to be bouncing around about my birthday, and what they were going to bring me tomorrow. Everyone seems more excited for it, even more than I am but I suppose I'm just seeing it as another day, not to mention that I keep forgetting that my birthday is tomorrow. Whoops.

We started in maths today and I groaned when I saw the teacher didn't take more time off. Then I saw on the board that we have a test tomorrow. I rolled my eyes and Maryanne started to complain that it was my birthday so I couldn't do a maths test. But???

Then we had English and I didn't do what we were meant to do, I just went on writing my English assignment but when you think about it, I suppose it's still English work and I can't get in trouble for it. Also, just an add-in here, I think my English teacher is on drugs.




Lunch, everyone was jumping on everyone and I swear one of them broke a bone or something, just that wrist didn't look right mate.

Science, as usual, this class is just me sitting around with finished work ready for everyone else to finish their work. Why my Science teacher won't just move me up is beyond me. Like, heck, I got 20/20 on an assignment that only took me 4 hours. Like, why can't he just move me up? I know I'm smart enough because I was in accelerated science last year. Ugh, it annoys me but I have to deal with it I suppose. But we may be dissecting an eye on Friday if any of the eyes are left, I've already done the eye but I wouldn't mind doing it again because I like to dissect things.

Then we had cooking, we cooked sweet and sour meatballs which tasted yum as but the thing was, I was cooking in a three and I don't like cooking in a three, there's barely enough to do between two people, so I match-sticked the carrot and made the sweet and sour sauce and sat back and let the other two girls cook, it's all chill.

Then we have German.
Another shout out to Frau.

We did speech prep and the actual speech today. So Frau corrected my grammar and everything was cool but I forgot the pictures so I drew the pictures and they were literally so kawaii. After the picture (I'm only putting one because it's rather large and I can't be bothered to shrink the pictures) you'll find my speech and if I have any German followers you can pick on me but Frau checked my grammar and everything so it's awesome.


(I'm a beautiful artist as you can tell.)

"In meine Ferien, hatte ich einen Austauschschüler zu besuch. Wir sind aufs Lands gefahren. Wir sind wandern gegangen. Dann sind wir nach Kalbari gefahren mit meiner Familie und Eva.
Wir sind fast von einer Klippe gefallen. Ich bin nach meinen Oma's zuhaus gefahren. Wir sind mit einem Pferd geritten.
Ich bin nach Perth gefahren. In unser Freizeit haben wir geschalfen, Fußball und Hockey gespielt.
Es hat spaß gemacht."

Ughh, so lets skip to the current time because I just ate dinner and I'm stuffed like a stuff chicken and I just...



Remind me never to eat dinner before completing a blog post.

The elders are over for dinner so I couldn't eat at the computer like I would normally do and type so I had to sit up at the table like a good lil teenager.

All in all, the last day of being 15 has come to a close and well... just meh. I'm meant to be really excited for my birthday but yeah, I'm just lazy.



 I'll probably look back on this day and just go: "God dammit Willow, why weren't you more active with your social life?""



So now I'm going to waddle into my bed and wrap myself into blankets and try to sleep through my alarm and not get up tomorrow but if I know my family, I'll be woken up with a whole heap of bodies on top of my body and awoken with presents. It's only once a year so, yeah, why not.



Yeah, we both know I won't be able to sleep through that, despite how good I am in bed.

~All Dirty Thoughts You Are Having Right Now I Have Already Thought Of Them~


Anyway, I need to stop filling up a post with gifs and just go.

See you later readers!
(And Frau)