But first, lets catch you up on the days before I go on complaining and crying.
We've had rest days, expect for yesterday. We went to Freo.
We caught the train into Perth, we were using student fares and we tried to get out of the city for a bit of sight seeing but apparently we needed student ID and I wasn't carrying any and the bitch at the gate was being all horrible and so we had to buy another ticket, two actually which costed us about $10 and I fucking hate that bitch.
Then we walked into the city and Eva went shopping before we watched this guy called Bruce do his street performance which was just throwing things, cracking whips, all that jazz and terrorizing this poor woman from Poland. Then he said he was going to levitate four men, which was just making them stand in a coffee-table formation.
He made fun of the English and Welsh men and told the English man "We never forget" and that made everyone laugh, even Eva. I gave him a five dollar note and me and Eva ducked off to the bathroom before we went back onto the train. Mum was to meet us in Fremantle when we were there. We got off the train and I explained the train lines a bit more and how to use her smartrider which we charged while we were at Perth and then we headed for the E Shed Markets which weren't that far of a walk from the train station, then my little sister ran up to me and hugged my leg.
My first reaction was "What the fuck is she doing here" me and Eva were enjoying the silence and the relaxed walk/day and my sister comes up to me and ruins the moment, I snap at her to go back to mum and she wandered off after my mum went by us and raised her eyebrows at me. At this point, my relaxed mood was ripped to shreds.
We wandered around a bit more, Eva brought a little before we saw this beautiful, limited edition, Supernatural photo op then the Jensen Ackles one behind it. I wanted it. So bad, it was limited edition and it was professionally done and there was only 500 of each in the world. This could well be the only one in Australia and when I ask mum if I could have it and pay her back somehow with chores or something, she denies me. This made me want to burst into tears and I full well know that I was acting like a spoilt, white girl brat but I really wanted it, I still do, but I have to try not to show mum my disappointment too much because I hate making her feel horrible over giving me something.
Me and Eva brought bubble tea which we couldn't finish because it was so filling and we had Aaryan tag along side us as we walked around Fremantle, we visited the beach and Eva collected some shells, I doubt that she'd be able to take them home with her but I suppose she can try. Then we ate Asiany for dinner. Well my family did, I sat down and ate pasta, mama mia, that'sa spicy meatball~.
Then we come to Kings Park. Now I don't know what the fuck happened but shit hit the fan and I somehow got most of the blame for it. I was yelled at and screamed at for my behavior, one by my step-dad in front of Eva, then my mum took me aside and gave me a talking to about hitting my brothers, reacting to my brothers and calling the video games crap.
REWIND:
My step-dad brought some games, Halo and Call of Duty. I told him the guns on COD were horrible and he started screaming at me to get my "OWN FUCKING GAMES BITCH" in front of Eva might I add and I hate him for it, my mood cycles with him, normally if he adapts a fatherly attitude towards me, I go nope and shove him the fuck out.
BACK TO THE STORY... maybe, I don't know, whatever.
Then I was sitting at the WWII memorial at Kings Park and on my phone, sulking against the whispering wall, which is a wall that you whisper against and you can hear the whisper the other side of the wall.. or something like that.
Then we come home, after a horrible car ride and the boys are acting up again and me and Eva are sitting together in the middle of the car and they're fighting in the back. Then we get home, I jump on the computer and I talk on twitter a bit, I was still mopey then Eva wanted to go over to her friend's house for the FIFA world cup tonight, I said yeah, we could so after a lot of running around I sorted it out for her so we're going over to someone's house I don't even know and I'm fucked and everything is fucked about this whole thing but it's for Eva so I have to suck it up and go along.
Then, the highlight of my night, I step on my brother's achievement pin that went right into my heel and I cry for ages, I had to try and suck the tears up and stop crying in front of Eva but it still hurts, that single prick hurts so much and it's making me want to cry.
Then I block Helena because I've been such a bitch towards her and she's not going to forgive me and I somehow lose my patience and I can't think around her and when I'm talking, I can't think it hurts so much and all this shit is just piling.
So I need to get the camping mattresses together and I couldn't do that because there was everything everywhere and I can't do anything, I'm verging on a panic attack and I can't do jack shit, I'm being a spoilt brat and everything seems to be falling apart and I can't seem to even fake happiness with Eva so I can try and be a good host then I got in trouble after I had a shower today, my brother scared me and I screamed "FUCKING HELL" and I got into trouble for being scared, I didn't even have time to think what I said and I got in trouble for it.
I don't know, everyone is in a bad mood and I'm in a bad mood and luck isn't working because I've got bad luck, I keep stepping on sharp things, I keep getting scratches everywhere, hurting myself, I can't even smile I keep bursting into tears when people yell at me or ask me what's wrong I can't think straight and what makes it even worse is I'm listening to music that reminds me of Helena and me fighting and my head has just gone all lightweighted and I can't take any of this shit anymore I need to cry but I can't cry because Eva is here, I can't have Eva thinking I'm a crybaby. If you wanna know that type of music: (x)
I've tried everything that makes me happy but talking to Helena but Helena got off this music camp with this 'Bram' person and I hate them, I don't even know who they are or if they're a boy or girl but I hate them, Helena is upset about him and everyone around me seems fucking upset and I can't take all this depressing shit anymore I just want to crawl back into bed and cry but I can't cry and these stupid songs I can't stop listening to: (x)
And it's making me more upset and I can't even talk to mum because she's so pissed at me and I keep telling myself I'm a spoilt brat, I know I'm acting like a spoilt, rich white girl but I can't stop and it actually hurts me a lot because I hate acting like this and I'm not even half upset that I'm whining to unknown people who probably don't even read it that often, I'm just... I just need one of those miracles that make me happy again, one of those right now would be good. But for now, I'm sniffling and crying. (x)
Willow, signing out.
Have a kitten so you don't fall into my mood too.
Actually have two.
Or three...
Kitten therapy is good.
And this song reminds me so much of me and Helena at the moment.... somehow it makes me feel happier.
No comments:
Post a Comment